The Lord is my Portion

"The Lord's portion is His people." Deuteronomy 32:9

They are His by conquest. What a battle He had in us before we would be won! How long He laid siege to our hearts! How often He sent us terms of capitulation! but we barred our gates, and fenced our walls against Him. Do we not remember that glorious hour when He carried our hearts by storm? When He placed His cross against the wall, and scaled our ramparts, planting on our strongholds the blood-red flag of His omnipotent mercy? Yes, we are, indeed, the conquered captives of His omnipotent love. Thus chosen, purchased, and subdued, the rights of our divine possessor are inalienable: we rejoice that we never can be our own; and we desire, day by day, to do His will, and to show forth His glory.

Charles Spurgeon

Rest

The benefactor of my soul,
is a worthy one!
Praise to He who gave me life!
Rest, for it is done.

O Rest, my soul, tho' once enslaved.
Rest, for you are free!
All peace to you, for mercy came,
came to rescue thee!

Hymn

O Love that chose, O Love that died,
O Love that sealed and sanctified,
All glory, glory, glory be,
O covenant Triune God, to thee!

In Christ Alone

IN CHRIST ALONE my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! – who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand!

My Chains are Gone

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature's night:
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray;
I woke; the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off : my heart was free:
I rose, went forth, and followed thee.

O what grace! How beautiful is God's redemption!

Thank You

Hello my dearest friends and family! I would like to express my gratitude for your prayer and support for me during my time spent in Malawi! I am truly thankful for your support, whether financial or prayerful. I have praised God for the way that He has provided through you. I would not have had the ability to pour our His love in Malawi without you. The work that COTN does in Malawi is wonderful and comprehensive. It is: teaching, parenting, raising orphans, supporting widows, feeding the hungry, nursing the sick, sharing the good news of Christ, rebuilding the broken, and raising up leaders that will inspire transformation in years to come.

And with your support, I have lived in Malawi and poured out the love that God has given me. I saw God do beautiful things, changing hearts, mending the broken, and bringing light to the darkness. I did not do any of that, but rather, it was God who is at work.
I would wonder sometimes if anyone in the village was seeing Christ in me, or feeling His love pour out of me. I would wonder if I was even showing the love and grace that is given to me so freely.
And one day, my friend Blessings (age 12, in the above picture, closest to my left shoulder) told me that he loved me so much! He repeated it again with an earnestness that is incomparable. He did not speak English, and I do not speak Chichewa. So, I know that surely that it was Christ's love that he saw in me, because His Love surpasses all words and understanding. I told Blessings that I loved him too, and "Yesu amakukonda" (which is "Jesus loves you"). Blessings smiled and squeezed my hand. I think he knew that Jesus loved him, and that Jesus loved me, and ultimately, that is why I loved Blessings and he loved me. And that is a beautiful thing.

I would wake up each day and focus on what Jesus commanded me to do:
1. Love God
2. Love others.
God kept His commands simple for me, because I am weak and because those two commands alone demand my life, my all. And that is what I got to do in Malawi. I loved God, because He first loved me. And I loved children who desparately needed a Love that truly satisfies, God's love. I was able to freely give away what God has given me. Namely, His grace, His love, my heart, my soul, and my strength.

So, thank you for supporting God's work in my life and in lives of the children of Malawi. God has changed many lives and God has changed my heart forever, and He has opened my eyes to see Him in a new way. But He is the same God, whether I am in America or Malawi, and this brings me great relief.

An Unseen Treasure I Have in Jesus Christ.

I have just returned from Malawi. I am different and everything around seems different. I have learned to hope, trust, need, crave, treasure, delight and love, not the seen, but the unseen.

For who hopes in what he already has or sees?
Who trusts finite things for infinite life?
Who needs many mortal things when he has one that is Immortal?
Who craves what is bitter when he has what is infinitely sweet?
Who treasures worthless things when he has but one precious Treasure?
Who delights in dark things when he has He who is Light?
Who loves this world when he can love, by grace, Love Himself?

I have learned not to settle for lesser things. I have learned not to store my treasure on earth, because an infinitely beautiful, infinitely precious, and infinitely satisfying Treasure. And He, the Treasure Himself, gave Himself to me! O what a treasure!

When I did not want Him, He gave Himself for me. This Treasure did not even look beautiful to me until He, by grace, opened my eyes to behold His true splendor. But still, even though I did nothing for Him, He gave Himself to me. His beauty comes from His glorious death and from His precious blood spilled so that I may receive Him. O what grace!

That He would not just give Himself to me, but that He left His heavenly riches, left His glory above, and paid all He had, His life, so that He could purchase me. And my price was nothing other than His death, because I had spent all of me on sin and I had received a death sentence for it. But He came down so He may purchase me from the chains of death, so that I may receive Him as my only Treasure. O the redemption!

When He opened my eyes to receive Him as my only Treasure, He told me to rid myself of the other worthless trinkets I had on my flesh. I tried to rid myself of them, but there were too many and they were too heavy for me to lift off of myself. So, He Himself cleaned my life of them, worthless and ugly things they were. And I realized how ugly and beastly they were, once He showed me Himself. O what wondrous clarity!

And now, I have no other treasure but He Himself. Whom do I have in heaven but Him? And on earth there is nothing I desire but Him. My heart and my flesh may fail, but He is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. And if my strength and portion, then He is my unseen Treasure. And if my Treasure, then my inheritance. O what undeserved riches!

I will be purely with my Treasure and Strength one day. That I would be with Him! That I, a disobedient and impure vessel, would obey and be purified so as to be with my purifier and King! O to be with Him!

That is why I look past the seen things to God, who is beyond sight.
To God, who is beyond time.
To God, who is beyond measure.
To God, who is beyond imagination.
To God, who is beyond comparison, likeness, or equal.
To God, who is beyond gracious, loving, and merciful.
To God, who is beyond holy, perfect, and pure.
To God are all things.
To God be glory forever. Amen.

Is this injustice? By no means!

I have been thinking about justice and injustice here in Malawi. Everyday, I walk into the villages where I see pot-bellied kids who are malnourished, ill-clothed, and "deprived" of Western conveniences. How can such inequality exist? Can God really be said to justly rule over all?
Such questions easily slip into one's mind here.

When I compare my childhood and the typical village childhood, I am overwhelmed. When I begin to think my sense of justice is better than the Lord Almighty's sense of justice though, He asks me "Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself? Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons? Do you have an arm like God's? Or can your voice thunder like His? Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him?"

The answer to all these questions is No.

I am a flawed judge. My sense of judgment is limited by my finite mind and my finite life. God does not have such limitations. God is perfect and holy in all of His ways. If He was unjust, then He would cease to be holy. And surely, if anything in the world is certain, God is holy.

Can I judge anything as fairly and justly as God can judge? By no means! But, this does not relegate me to apathy and callousness. Rather, the poverty and brokenness of Mgwayi village moves me and fills me with compassion, not bitterness. Shall I accept only good from God and not trouble? By no means! Shall I reject what God has given me in America due to apparent "injustice"? By no means! But rather, I should be bring praise to my glorious Benefactor and surrender my gifts to Him.

One thing that strikes me here is the almost universal sense that everything in life acts as an opportunity to praise God. Malawians see straight to the heart, to the core, to the root of all things, and they praise the Father for everything. It is even reflected in the naming of children. I have met people named Blessings, Lifton (Lift on High), Lovemore, Grace, Joy, Faith, Peace, Kindness, and Charity. Even the guard dog of our compound is named Mpatso which means Gift in Chichewa. I visit a village family twice a week for two hours at a time. There are three children: Shakira, Christina, and Yami. Yami is the only boy of the family and he is 12. Yami, in a prayer, just amazed me at how thankful and blessed by God he felt, even though he lives in a small one room mud and brick hut in a village.

Malawians seem to get it. They understand, even from an early age, that God is worthy of praise. Through the hard roads as well as the easy roads, following God is the right path. All His routes are good, but not "good" as we usually see it. When we think "good", we think in a limited, immediate sense. We think "good" means wealth, fame, possessions, a reputation, etc. This is a serious error because God uses "good" in an ultimate sense. At the end of all things, God is good. He does not cease to be good in the middle of all things, but we cannot usually see that pure, ultimate goodness from the bottom of the valley of despair.

So, from here, in what may look like the bottom of the valley of despair to some, much to my surprise, I have found great joy in a people who have many reasons to feel disheartened (by American standards). Malawians see God as just and worthy of praise but somehow Americans see God as unjust and cruel. How can that be? One would think Malawians would resent God for His injustice, and Americans would overwhelmingly praise God for His gifts. But for some reason, this is not so. And it perplexes me. And it overwhelms me. And humbles me. And leads me to praise my gracious and perfectly just Father. Let us praise Him for His amazing work! Let us kneel beneath His majesty and be comforted!

Despite life's "inadequacies", He alone is adequate.

Here am I

Unworthy.
I am daily reminded of my unworthiness. Of grace, of privilege, of everything. And, I am daily reminded of the worthiness of God. He is worthy. He is holy. And He loves me.
Loved.
Here in Malawi, people love. Not "Hey, I love your outfit", but a love that does not require words. Malawians speak a language called Chichewa and I surely do not. But still, the children of Mgwayi village (which are our primary focus) do not hesitate to run to me, screaming "Azungu!" (white person), all just to hold my hand. They escort me hand-in-hand through the village, sometimes fighting for the opportunity to grab my hand. Why? Is it because I have been courteous to them? Is it because I skillfully asked them personal questions to get on their good side? No. It is certainly not. It is simply because they love. Being is more important than talking. Existing seems more important here. Life does not always need to be filled with words and events.
Awed.
If I am awestruck by something, that could be described as instantaneous. But, here in Malawi, I am not merely awestruck, but awed. It is constant. The praise and worship of native Malawians never seems like an isolated period of time. People don't worship God in one-hour blocks of time. Time is not fixed here; time seems to flow and people are not constrained by it. They worship Him with lifetimes. God does not stop existing, ruling, forgiving, or loving, ever. And people here understand this. It is beautiful. A joke that one of my Malawian friends made that stuck with me was his description of holding hands in the village as "hand ministry". It is true. The people here do everything for God. Washing dishes, making food, holding hands; it is all for God. People live in awe of what God has done, who He is, and what He is doing now. I, too, am awed by God.